Its been a while

Hello

I know its been a while but life has been the same. We decide to go to Argentina next year for a donor egg cycle. So I have been saving all my american change. Its hard to find a while I use to find a lot change these days all i have found are pennies and a nickle here and there. So now that i won't be cycling there won't be much to write about. But i'll try to keep blogging I know that I like reading other peoples blogs when they update.

I have found that I have become a natural remedy fiend. I ordered Fertiliaid and preseed. I read that parsley tea is good to induce aunt flow. I have tried Vitex, inositol, choline, maca, red raspberry tea, dong quai. I have become so obsessed with trying everything. I don't know if this is good or bad of course nothing has worked yet, althou i don't put to much faith in these things. I feel like they keep me holding on to the little hope I have let and not trying anything would seem to me like giving up. Aunt flow has not showed up since May. It's so frustrating that she doesn't show up on her own. This is so frustrating I just want to feel like a woman. I am going to try the parsley tea, i'll post after I try it.

Does anyone have any remedy that they heard of that might help?

Happy Birthday Gizmo!!!!

I meant to post this last week but didn't get a chance. My baby turned 3 on June 11. Growing up I never had a pet except for the odd fish that would die after a month. I'm so glad that we decided to get Gizmo, seeing how happy he is when I get home from work is the best feeling. I've always said that he makes everything a little bit better. I hope that one day he will have a kid chasing after him and driving him crazy.

NGU

As I try to pass the days during this break, I keep repeating in my head these three words "never give up". It hasn't been easy everywhere I turn I see babies. We were at a restaurant on Saturday and three women walked in with their car seats, diaper bags and strollers. I thought to myself I can't get away.

In the Toronto Star today I read that Celine Dion is pregant with twins, I am so happy for her I am a big fan of hers. When I read the story there was a line that struck a cord with me

I never gave up. But I can tell you it was physically and emotionally exhausting,” Dion recently told Le Journal de Montreal.

Followup with RE

We had our followup appointment with Dr. H yesterday. It went just as i had expected. He mentioned how my last cycle was good and he's upset that it didnt happen for us.
Our options are:

1) Try another cycle with him, it would be a low stim cycle. But we would only get maybe one egg, two if we were really lucky. Our chances are 5% to 10%.

2) Adption were still weighing our options with this.

3) Donor Eggs he recommends this option as our best chance we have a 50% chance with this. He gave me information on donor eggs in the states and here. He recommends Argentina as well, he is sending my information to the clinic there for them to review.

4) Try to accept that it might never happen for us. If it does ever happen naturally for us even Dr. H said it would be a mircle.

We already knew these would be our options and had decide to take a break for now. For how long its hard to say. I need to stop worrying about medications and needles. My husband lost his job two months ago so he needs to find something else so we can start saving some money. Depending on what the Argentina clinic says I would love to try this option.

I am not willing to accept option 4, somehow, some way I will be a mom. As a friend says There will always be a next step...

I AM NOT GIVING UP.

Today is my birthday. I turn 40, never would I have guessed this is were i would be at this point in my life. Nothing has gone as planned. Never have I shed so many tears.

Caring

It has been a tough week. Today I feel a little bit better, the tears have stopped althou I still get that pang of emotion when I think what lies ahead for us. I am reminded of the saying time heals all wounds. I am lucky to have some very special people in my life. I had to tell my co-workers about my journey in order to be able to take the time I need for my apppointments. They are an amazing group of women. I was suprised by this special gift from them on Wednesday.

I am at peace today, as I know that there might be a plan B for us. When I started this journey I thought that it would be easy, but it has been anything but easy. I don't know why I am taking this journey but I feel that I am not alone and will always have the support I need. I don't have any intentions of giving up somehow, some way I will be a mother.

Beta Day

Well today was beta day and of course its a BFN. I was already prepared thou i had done three pregnancy test and they were all negative. So when the nurse called and said resitantly "I don't have good news" I told her "I know" She said you tested I said "yes"

Hopefully the plan is to take a break and enjoy my life with my DH and my beautiful puppy Gizmo. I have a follow up with the RE on May 27th, funny the day before my birthday. Well see if he offers us any kind of encouragement.

So for now Life goes on!!!

ET Update

Sorry I'm a little late in posting this.

We had our day 3 ET on April 20th we transferred two perfect little embryos. The doctor was quite happy with them. I didn't ask what quality they were I didn't want to know as long as they doctor said they were good i was happy. The ET was uncomfortable i was dying to go pee but had to hold it. After the procedure the first question after I got up was "can I go go pee now" the doctor laughed. I went home to take it easy, I also took the next day off. My husband has been making sure i'm doing everything i'm suppose to and never lets me do anything i'm not allowed to do its cute in a way.

So its 6dp3dt and i've been get some cramping that comes and goes. I keep looking for symptoms, but so far that's all I have. I'm already dying to POAS but i'm going to try and hold off till after Thursday as that is two weeks after HCG Shot. I'd like to try to make it to Sunday as my beta is scheduled for May4th. It's going to be along week.