Its been a while

Hello

I know its been a while but life has been the same. We decide to go to Argentina next year for a donor egg cycle. So I have been saving all my american change. Its hard to find a while I use to find a lot change these days all i have found are pennies and a nickle here and there. So now that i won't be cycling there won't be much to write about. But i'll try to keep blogging I know that I like reading other peoples blogs when they update.

I have found that I have become a natural remedy fiend. I ordered Fertiliaid and preseed. I read that parsley tea is good to induce aunt flow. I have tried Vitex, inositol, choline, maca, red raspberry tea, dong quai. I have become so obsessed with trying everything. I don't know if this is good or bad of course nothing has worked yet, althou i don't put to much faith in these things. I feel like they keep me holding on to the little hope I have let and not trying anything would seem to me like giving up. Aunt flow has not showed up since May. It's so frustrating that she doesn't show up on her own. This is so frustrating I just want to feel like a woman. I am going to try the parsley tea, i'll post after I try it.

Does anyone have any remedy that they heard of that might help?

Happy Birthday Gizmo!!!!

I meant to post this last week but didn't get a chance. My baby turned 3 on June 11. Growing up I never had a pet except for the odd fish that would die after a month. I'm so glad that we decided to get Gizmo, seeing how happy he is when I get home from work is the best feeling. I've always said that he makes everything a little bit better. I hope that one day he will have a kid chasing after him and driving him crazy.

NGU

As I try to pass the days during this break, I keep repeating in my head these three words "never give up". It hasn't been easy everywhere I turn I see babies. We were at a restaurant on Saturday and three women walked in with their car seats, diaper bags and strollers. I thought to myself I can't get away.

In the Toronto Star today I read that Celine Dion is pregant with twins, I am so happy for her I am a big fan of hers. When I read the story there was a line that struck a cord with me

I never gave up. But I can tell you it was physically and emotionally exhausting,” Dion recently told Le Journal de Montreal.

Followup with RE

We had our followup appointment with Dr. H yesterday. It went just as i had expected. He mentioned how my last cycle was good and he's upset that it didnt happen for us.
Our options are:

1) Try another cycle with him, it would be a low stim cycle. But we would only get maybe one egg, two if we were really lucky. Our chances are 5% to 10%.

2) Adption were still weighing our options with this.

3) Donor Eggs he recommends this option as our best chance we have a 50% chance with this. He gave me information on donor eggs in the states and here. He recommends Argentina as well, he is sending my information to the clinic there for them to review.

4) Try to accept that it might never happen for us. If it does ever happen naturally for us even Dr. H said it would be a mircle.

We already knew these would be our options and had decide to take a break for now. For how long its hard to say. I need to stop worrying about medications and needles. My husband lost his job two months ago so he needs to find something else so we can start saving some money. Depending on what the Argentina clinic says I would love to try this option.

I am not willing to accept option 4, somehow, some way I will be a mom. As a friend says There will always be a next step...

I AM NOT GIVING UP.

Today is my birthday. I turn 40, never would I have guessed this is were i would be at this point in my life. Nothing has gone as planned. Never have I shed so many tears.

Caring

It has been a tough week. Today I feel a little bit better, the tears have stopped althou I still get that pang of emotion when I think what lies ahead for us. I am reminded of the saying time heals all wounds. I am lucky to have some very special people in my life. I had to tell my co-workers about my journey in order to be able to take the time I need for my apppointments. They are an amazing group of women. I was suprised by this special gift from them on Wednesday.

I am at peace today, as I know that there might be a plan B for us. When I started this journey I thought that it would be easy, but it has been anything but easy. I don't know why I am taking this journey but I feel that I am not alone and will always have the support I need. I don't have any intentions of giving up somehow, some way I will be a mother.

Beta Day

Well today was beta day and of course its a BFN. I was already prepared thou i had done three pregnancy test and they were all negative. So when the nurse called and said resitantly "I don't have good news" I told her "I know" She said you tested I said "yes"

Hopefully the plan is to take a break and enjoy my life with my DH and my beautiful puppy Gizmo. I have a follow up with the RE on May 27th, funny the day before my birthday. Well see if he offers us any kind of encouragement.

So for now Life goes on!!!

ET Update

Sorry I'm a little late in posting this.

We had our day 3 ET on April 20th we transferred two perfect little embryos. The doctor was quite happy with them. I didn't ask what quality they were I didn't want to know as long as they doctor said they were good i was happy. The ET was uncomfortable i was dying to go pee but had to hold it. After the procedure the first question after I got up was "can I go go pee now" the doctor laughed. I went home to take it easy, I also took the next day off. My husband has been making sure i'm doing everything i'm suppose to and never lets me do anything i'm not allowed to do its cute in a way.

So its 6dp3dt and i've been get some cramping that comes and goes. I keep looking for symptoms, but so far that's all I have. I'm already dying to POAS but i'm going to try and hold off till after Thursday as that is two weeks after HCG Shot. I'd like to try to make it to Sunday as my beta is scheduled for May4th. It's going to be along week.

ER Done

Saturday we had our ER done. They retrieved 3 eggs froms the right and then went to the left unfortunately the follicles there had no eggs. I got the call from the nurse yesterday that all eggs were mature and had fertilized. Today my regular nurse called and said that one of the eggs had arrested. Tomorrow is day 3 and we will be proceeding with transfer.

My goal thru this whole journey is to have a child. I am hoping this works. After all everyone says that all you need is one.

IVF #2 Update - Day 13

So E2 was 3300 today, we have 6 really good follicles and two that are still ify. The plan is ER on Saturday (YEAAAAAAA)!!!!!!!! I'm so excited to have finally made it thru a cycle. I'm a little nervous about the pain. But I figure with all the injections i've been thru and all the internal ultrasounds that it might not be so bad. I trigger tonight at 9:15pm and will have ER at 9:15am on Saurday.

If your reading this please say a prayer for me. Everyone that knows that I am doing this is what I have asked of them.

Stay tuned for the ER Update!

IVF #2 Update - Day 12

So we have 8 follicles (YEAAAAA) 5 are at a good size between 1.9 & 1.7. The other 3 are still a little bit smaller around 1.1. But the plan is to do one more night of stims hoping that those three follicles grow. The nurse mentioned maybe a possible egg retrival for Saturday. You don't know how happy I was to hear those words. After 8 "cancelled" IUI and one "cancelled" IVF, we might make it thru this time. It's been small steps but I'm happy with that. Someone mentioned to me that I have a lot of patience, and I think i am very patient, this process has taught me that I am.

So now we on the road to hopefully a BFP. The rollercoaster is climbing up high, the ER will be the bump and then it'll be down to BFP.

Stay tuned for the bump.

IVF #2 Update - Day 11

So E2 is at 2300 we have 6 follicles all growing nicely. The plan is to do the orgulatran half dose tonight, contine with the stimming medication tonight. Do another half dose of the orgalutran tomorrow morning and go for another bloodwork and ultrasound.

So were getting there. Slow but steady.

IVF #2 Update - Day 8 - 10

We went back to the clinic on Apr. 10 for day 8 my E2 was at 762, follicle on the right still at 1.4, the two on the left are at 1.1 and 1.3, they scared me by mentioning ths "C" word. But we avoided it and were still stimming. I asked the nurse about converting to IUI if we had too other than cancelling, but everything seems to be on track.

Back to the clinic Apr 11 for day 9 E2 was at 1167, two follicles on the right 1.4,1.3,two on the left 1.1 and 1.3, more stimming.

Back to the clinic for Day 10 E2 was at 1602, we have 5 follicles(yeaaaa) they are still only measuring at between 1.4 and 1.1, more stimming.

Looks like it'll be daily visits to the clinic. Its been a slow steady climb but condsidering we've gotten this far, i'm grateful for whatever I can get.

Stay tuned for update for day 11.

IVF #2 Update - Day 6

Well things are going up really SLOW!! MY E2 was at 344, again not very high. Our munchkins are taking their sweet time to grow we have one leading follicle on the right at 1.4 and two on the left at 0.9. So more medication today and tomorrow and back on Saturday for you guessesd it more bloodwork and ultrasound.

*****GROW FOLLIES GROW********

Saturday I also have an accpunture treatment hopefully it'll be better than the last one because things weren't going fast i was kind of depressed and for some reason couldn't relax and everything was really uncomfortable.

My poor DH hasn't been sleeping well, he said he's was worried for me, i told him i'm sorry but i haven't been sleeping well either. Hopefully we'll all be able to sleep well one day. Althou if the pitter patter of little feet has to keep me up thats ok by me.

IVF #2 Update - Day 4

Well they found another follicle on the left. So we have four on both sides. I picked another two days worth of medication. I go back to the clinic on Thursday.

The clinic just called my estrogen was at 171, they were hoping it would be higher. But hopefully it'll keep going up.

*****Grow embies Grow*****

IVF #2 Update - Day 1

We started the bcp on March 6th, the last one was on March 27th.

Today was our pre-assessment, also considered as my Day 1.

So we signed the paperwork, paid our fee and picked up our meds. Good news, we have four follicles on the right and three on the left. We just need to get them to start growing. I asked about my fsh and the nurse said the last time they checked it was 5.4 (good as they should be under 10). So the nurse just called my E2 levels are at 108 which is good it should be we start Gonal f 450 ( i know that a lot) and Menopur 150mg (that's a lot too) on April 3rd. I go back on April 6th for b/w and u/s again and hopefully my follicles will respond.

I'm still doing the accpunture twice a week. I love it The nurse laughed when i told her i felt like a human pin cushion. Between my insulin, medication and accpunture that's over 25 needles.

We attended the adoption seminar. I liked it. Although i didn't learn anything that i pretty much didn't already know. We are still keeping the adoption open, but were pretty overwhelmed at the process involved.

Happy Easter to everyone. I hope the easter bunny brings us all happy healthy eggs!!!!

It's Been Awhile

Well we made it thru the holidays, thank goodness. They get harder and harder every year. Because it also marks the anniversary of when we started TTCing. It has been three years that we decide to try. Who would have thought that this is the path that my life would take. I have good days and bad. Althou the bad days far out weigh the good lately. Not one day goes by where I don't shed a tear. Thak goodness for IVF.ca I have made a few good friends on there. I always turn to them for comfort and a kind word.

My blood sugar levels spiked up after my last IVF so we had to put IVF #2 on hold. But after 3 months I have finally gotten it back down to a number that my endocrinologist was happy with. So we can proceed to IVF. On Thursday I go back to the clinic for bloodwork and ultrasound. We'll basically have to start fresh with new blood tests and paperwork but thats ok. It feels like a fresh start. I'm trying not to get my hopes up. I also started accpunture and have go for 4 sessions, i was afraid at first but the needles are not that bad. There are days when its very relaxing.

On another note I decide since this IVF might be our last chance, that we should look into adoption. We go to adoption seminar tonight that is put on by adopt ontario. I am excited and nervous.